Tidal Wave by Azizur Jazeem Cassabi Rahman. Part 1

Tidal Wave
So I’m going to begin this blog with a drop of honesty, I didn’t really want to write it. Why? Because I felt that the stuff I would want to blog about would be of no interest to the majority of the people reading it, and it was just recently I understood that Theo’s entries get in excess of 300 views so I guess there is a wide spectrum of readers to keep entertained.
Those who know me will have a pretty good idea of how big I am on my chosen faith of Islam and various aspects of world politics and history. I’m a person who enjoys engaging in intellectual debates on any topic, some will say it brings the real me out of the armour (Or shell if you will) that I constantly wear. Then there’s of course, the obvious passion for art and video games and all things technology and science!
But today, I’ve decided not to delve into these areas much and bore everyone. Rather, I’ve chosen to give everyone a taste of who I really am, how I might think, why I might behave the way I behave, and of course, to keep everyone’s attention sharp whilst reading this; I will delve into the territory of girls/love/relationships. I will give everyone an unaltered, uncut, a long explicit and 100% raw journal/diary entry of my own.
In the following entry I will discuss something that happened to me recently, something really personal which affected me from the inside, so much so It forced me to write in my own journal that I’ve been keeping since year 8 high school, a journal which has seen a lot of neglect lately due to my busy life. So going back to writing in its pages was quiet an experience that altered my mentality slightly once I put all my feelings and thoughts down into words. So hopefully by the end of reading this entry, some of you will finally get to know me on personal level.

!!!!!WARNING!!!!! The following entry contains some material that gets pretty damn explicit. I can only apologize in advance if it offends any of you or gives you any weird ideas as to who I am. I just want you to appreciate that the human mind is a VERY private place for all of us and what you are about to read is exactly what was going through my mind. It covers real life private events that occurred within my inner circle of friends and as a result I have changed certain names to protect their privacy. Oh and by the way, it’s a VERY long read. You’ve been warned!


06/26/2011, Entry 996 – Tidal Wave
Dear Journal,
I actually thought I knew myself, seriously. Who knows you better than yourself?! You live with your own company since birth and you get to the point where you can even predict what you’ll do a whole week before you even do it. But then KABOOM, something comes along and makes you realise that the person you thought you were was nothing more than a false you, a placeholder of some sorts. Until your REAL self snapped out of its slumber and woke up, to take its rightful place in your individuality and maybe even redefine you.
This redefining moment happened just a few hours ago. I met up with Foxy, Leon, Aiman, Aaron, Spig and the rest of the gang for some of the usual antics in London. We decided to hit Edgware Road and catch up over a delicious Arabic Meal and some Shisha at our regular spot Shishawi. It’s gone pretty crap now actually, the prices have taken a spike and the service leaves a lot to be desired these days.
The guys didn’t hang around getting stuck into their shisha, something which I can’t really do as I don’t smoke it! But that didn’t stop me from ordering the BIGGGGGGEST MIXED GRILL ever! Had to be done since training kind of burnt me out today! One thing I can’t moan about is the quality of their food, that much hasn’t changed!  The lamb meat was cooked to perfection and wasn’t dry and overcooked like it is in most places, the chicken was soft and succulent and perfectly spiced. I don’t overkill on the sauces as I like to taste the meat, the chargrilled smell is only half the pleasure as once the taste makes contact with my taste buds I’m transported to a different world… I was starving so excuse me if I’m going EXTRA! Haha
Now, Foxy on the other hand, love doesn’t even come close to describing his passion for all these sauces. All I remember seeing on his plate was a colourful concoction of chilli, ketchup, mint sauce, garlic mayo, Yoghurt dressing and some bright yellow looking thing with specs of dark green in it, I didn’t know WTF that was. As far I was concerned, there was no food on his plate!
The order came in and we tucked in, sharing jokes, reminisce and generally taking the piss out of each other. Main focus of attention was on Aiman and his so called threesome experience with two of the hottest chicks he ever had during his time @ university, and getting caught by his Russian girlfriend from G block @ Platt halls!
“Naaaah dude! Trust me! These Russians can do some fucking damage man. Never am I going out with them again”
Aiman shouted with a look of genuine experienced fear on his face. After having got caught by Alena she gave both girls a black eye and then proceeded to attack a verrrry drunk Aiman by pepper spraying him till he was out cold on the floor. The other two girls ran out with their clothes in hand and Alena continued to work her magic on an unconscious Aiman. It wasn’t until the following morning when me and Aaron walked in to his dorm room and found him on the floor with his manhood super glued to his sack and crack and STILL UNCONCIOUS. Quite creative I must say, though this super glue thing seems to be quite the rage with angry females these days.
“Painful memories for my eyes Aiman, painful memories for my eyes!!”
Shouted a distraught Aaron. I couldn’t stop LOL’ing as the events that followed in the hospital was just as embarrassing for Aiman and as much as I wanted to go into it I thought I would be easy on him!
“Bruv seriously, forget that shit already!… Ooooooh, what’s that there boy? Woooooiiii”
Replied a clearly discomfited Aiman as he tried to shift attention away from him. It worked in his favour it seems as he had just scoped out a bunch of girls walking in our direction and sat on the table directly beside us.
These guys being who they are, wasted no time whatsoever in breaking the ice! As always Spig was the confident one who would always make things so seamless when talking to any stranger! Before I knew it, the tables were joined together and the 7 other girls were smoking and dining with us.
Yeah they were good looking, in the sense that all females are. I see females as beautiful creatures as a whole, and these girl had that kinda thing going on, I didn’t find them necessarily attractive but I can see why the guys got excited.
As I was sitting on the far end of the rectangular table I found myself having to make an effort to mingle with the others, to my luck though Leon called over two girls to come sit next to me and him, to which they were more than happy to oblige to! One came and sat opposite me and introduced herself as Hana. She was sporting a well accessorised look on the night! She wore a long dark grey dress to which her seducing curvy yet slender figure adorned brilliantly, with a pair of gladiator sandals that complimented her attire well. Her skin was fair and she wore a moderate amount of foundation that didn’t look too overwhelming. Her hair was dark black, long and straight and came down to her lower part of her shoulder and brilliantly reflected the neon lights from the Shishawi sign above. She definitely had that exotic look about her. All this was processed as I watched her walk during the seconds it took for her to come around and sit opposite me.
After around 30 minutes of conversing I discovered she was half Lebanese and half British and was working in the City as an accountant for some law firm and was 28 years young. She seemed interesting, but I wasn’t finding myself being enthralled as much as the other guys were, with the girls they were speaking to. We spoke about the usual stuff, life, work etc. But it only started getting really interesting after her friend pulled out a vodka bottle and started slipping heavy amounts into their coca colas and red bulls.
Fast forward around 20 minutes and Hana was already acting a lot more, errrrm, relaxed? The topic of conversation turned to love as she explained her story of a recent long term relationship that had ended really badly. He cheated on her, he had been doing it for a good few months before she found out and ended the 2 year relationship. She was clearly devastated as her words had a tone of sincerity I rarely encounter…. Or maybe it was just the alcohol? Hmmm!
“He was my first ever boyfriend and I really thought I was going to marry him. I never really had time for men before because I was way too focused on my own life to care. But things just turned into a rollercoaster when I met him.”
Hana explained, with a powerful look of distress on her face. Her eye contact with mine gradually lost its hold as she hung her head and looked down to the ground beneath her and continued:
“I even gave up my virginity believing I would end up marrying him….”
At this point I was quite taken back by her honesty and didn’t quite know how to respond, I mean come on. How was I meant to react after hearing that? After writing in you all these years both you and I would have thought I would know how deal with this better but truth is; I was genuinely caught off guard by this one.
I replied… It was all I could say at the time! Argh, WTF?! But it didn’t seem to be much a problem as she just continued and didn’t really care. Yep. She was definitely drunk.
“Ever since then, I dunno…. I’ve just been keeping myself busy with the girls and going out and stuff. You know how it is right, Izzy?”
Not really, to be honest with you I didn’t have the foggiest. I was able to sympathize with her because damnnnn was it painful hearing it all, but the smell of alcohol kinda took the charm away from me. So we carried on talking and she was telling me about her amazing sex life and what not, and how she misses the male company:
“So now I find myself here, talking to you, tipsy, telling you stuff I shouldn’t be telling…. Sorry to sound so rude but I’m getting kinda bored now….”
She said with a hint of an ulterior suggestion in her voice as she waited for me to reply, she was no longer looking down at the ground and her eyes were locked with mine. Heck, she looked more confident too as she played with her hair and showed me an expression which I can only describe as “Ooohhhhhh….”  Okay, so she was bored. But i thought it was meant to be my role, the typical male? That was meant to be bored of HER already? Ooooohhhh…. Haha, jokes aside, I was thinking to myself WTF is this girl on? Sooooo I replied:
“Ermmmm, well it is 1:30am so I guess we can just go home?”
Whilst looking around @ the rest of the guys in an attempt to see what they were doing. It was no surprise to see them getting physically close and touching the girls and stuff so I knew what they were planning for the night. I thought my response was smart, witty even! But alas, Hana wasn’t In the mood for any of that, she had other plans:
“I live near Farringdon, let’s just go back to mine? Been this honest with u so far so… heheh… I suppose I can carry on with this honesty thing! Look, I miss the male company so much right now and I would do anything to reacquaint myself with that feeling again. I miss it a little too much…”
OKAY! SCORE! WOOOOOO!!! Ooooooooooooh….. Hmmmmmmmmm…. Huh?! WTF…. Errrmmm… She wanted a quick one nighter?! With me of all people?! She really was smashed out her brain… Words can’t quite make sense of what I was feeling @ that point in time. Shocked? Excited? Flattered? AROUSED? No ma’am…. What happened to me @ that specific moment in time was something I was not prepared for, something that surprised me right down to my spine.
To put it bluntly? I found myself thinking about someone, someone I had only connected with recently. Why? I don’t know because the thought was still a little premature, but even so! WTF, why was I thinking about that person at such a time?! I had to do something about this cos Hana was just staring @ me blankly waiting for me to respond and there was me just staring back @ her like a dodo as this thought of this person raced through my mind causing havoc in all areas of my brain.
I had to reply, I just had to say something:
“Errrrrmm, okay?”
…..Did I just agree to go back to hers for the night? Really? SERIOUSLY?!

It Was so epic a piece of writing i HAD to be broken down into 2 post the 2nd post shall be on Monday look forward to it its a great piece of work


5 responses to “Tidal Wave by Azizur Jazeem Cassabi Rahman. Part 1

  1. wow, when i first started reading it, i scrolled down and thought ahh man this is looong, but it was worth the read.
    I’m starting to believe that you studied English creative writing on the side Izzy.

    • Thanks Jay, sorry it was so long. I would have edited it but wanted to leave it as uncut as possible cos it was taken directly from my journal word for word. Hence some of the spelling and grammar mistakes as well as bad language and rushed writing style, LOL and nope didn’t study Creative Writing, sometimes wish I did though! Just self taught I guess cos I read and write a lot!… Hope you enjoy reading part 2 just as much


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