You guys did it you made it hit 100 view before Monday so here it is part 2 of izzys story.
“Wooo! Let’s make an exit then shall we? J”
Her reply would suggest I just DID agree to go back to hers for some hanky panky.
I found myself panicking a little as I said goodbye to all the guys, they were beyond surprised to say the least.
“Izzy, you filthy little soomka!!!”
Shouted Spig with a huge naughty grin on his face. It wasn’t enough to make me LOL though as not even I knew how I was going to get myself out of this one. It was a tricky situation indeed.
She got into the car and sat on the passenger side as we drove down Edgware road and passed the Marble Arch roundabout. London was still thriving @ 1:45 am and the bums and pervs were in top form tonight as they prowled the brightly lit streets of Central London.
We didn’t talk much in the car, well I didn’t… She did however; the alcohol was in full control of her by now. Her speech was slurred and she wasn’t making much sense, she didn’t need a reply from me as she was having enough fun by herself.
As we continued driving I was pondering on the thought that had occurred to me earlier at the Shisha Café. Why would this person just enter my mind so randomly? It actually scared me, It scared me A LOT. When I calmed down a little I started to think about it logically and it wasn’t long after that when it dawned on me how much of an effect this person has actually had on me. They’re words, beliefs, view on life, morals and values. It’s weird… I can’t quite explain it, it’s like when you want to do something bad/evil but the conscience inside of you tries its best to deter you whilst whispering in your ear “don’t do it…!” Except in my case, the only thing I could compare this conscience to was this person, you could say it even influenced my view on Hana and how I behaved around her.
The thought had now matured a lot more now as I explored it further. As dangerous as it was, I found myself whisked away in that funky imagination of mine and started night dreaming whilst driving @ 2am. I envisioned myself on a beautiful deserted island; in the presence of a storm. The skies were dark and foreboding and the gusts of wind that slashed against my body were strong enough to knock me over. As I stood alone on the sandy beach I saw on the horizon of the sea what looked like a wave forming and heading towards me. A menacing, gargantuan and terrifying wave that just seemed to grow larger and larger, accompanied by the thunderous sounds of a really pissed off and angry ocean: A Tidal Wave.
It’s pretty damn clear what any normal person would do if they saw a Tidal Wave violently booming towards them at over 200mph, they would turn around and run as fast as the laws of physics would allow them to in a bid to save their own lives. But me? I decided to stay and face it. I pictured myself standing in this serene beach on a small uncharted island with nothing but the exotic palm trees and miles upon miles of rock and tropical undergrowth behind me. Eyes calmly shut with no hint of a clenched eyelid, head tilted back in anticipation and arms subtly spread beside my body. I waited for my Tidal Wave to approach me as I felt the heat of the sand below my feet and each and every grain between my toes. I braced myself.
And then it hit me, the sudden realization, that epiphany moment, when it feels like a million and one things just hit you all together at once. It was overwhelming, it was powerful, it was scary, it was a revelation and it woke me up. Yet, it was only ‘one’ thing. And it wasn’t what I was expecting it to be. The profound effect this person had on me can only be compared to the Tidal Wave I envisioned. This person? This person was MY TIDAL WAVE.
Hana was awfully quiet; I snapped out of this fantasy in my head and looked to my left to see her totally zonked out. I had a lucky escape. The sat nav in my car bought me directly outside her house and I was forced to wake her up. Something I should have thought about twice, because the moment her dark mascara laden eyes opened she threw up all over the passenger side of the car. My brother is actually going to kill me as it was his BMW I borrowed for the night. She was in a state, she was crying, she didn’t want to be alone and it was clear her break up was having a really bad effect on her. There wasn’t much that could be done really, to cut it short she apologised and invited me in to her flat.
I took some cleaning products from the kitchen and cleaned out the car, it wasn’t anywhere near enough though, cos the sour stench of her vomit was actually unimaginable. Seriously. It was ERRRGGGHHHHH. So I returned to her flat for something a lot more potent, upon entering I saw her crashed out on her bed. I quietly tip toed into the kitchen and luckily found some Febreeze! I went back to my car and finished the whole bottle on the upholstery. Yet again, it wasn’t enough. So I returned to her flat ONCE MORE with her keys and saw a nice collection of perfumes in her room, she had good taste dude, I’ll give her that much! Her bedroom carried the sweet scent of a summer garden, and I as approached her perfume cabinet my nose was greeted with the smell of her shampoo being emitted from her wet towel as it dried on her radiator. I grabbed a bottle from the cabinet and went back down to the car and sprayed an excessive amount of Ghost on the suede seats and carpet.
Hey, she was the one that vomited remember? So it was only right I felt obliged to use as much as I desired to remove that odour cursed by the devil himself. (Okay maybe its cos I actually LOVE that perfume too, but what the hell =p)
So I quickly returned to her flat for the FINAL time and returned the perfume and keys. Before leaving her bedroom I glanced back and took a moment to look @ her. I can safely say, hand on my heart, with 100% honesty, that I don’t think anything would have happened on the night, not even the slightest. I cocked up out of nervousness due to that whole random thought but even so. I don’t think I would have taken advantage of a drunken girl just to get a quick burst of shallow satisfaction.
As I watched @ her sleep peacefully, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for everything she had gone through with her ex-boyfriend. She clearly loved him a lot and he just tore her heart out. What intrigued me even more was how eager she was for that whole male company thing again. She’s only ever had sex with one guy yet she was so desperate to experience it again, regardless of whom the man was, in this case me? I understand females tend to be a lot more emotional and have a deeper connection with the whole sex topic but tonight just proved that this doesn’t always necessarily relate to ALL females. As my friend once said to me: “Once you pop, you can’t stop!” and it was pretty evident she enjoyed sex too much to just give it up so quickly.
For me sex wouldn’t just be sex. It would be making love. Something I believe should be shared by a couple who have genuine feelings and love for each other. I for one can’t miss what I never had, and I’m waiting for marriage before I delve into that zone. How many people in this world can actually make you feel extraordinary? Special? Appreciated and loved? Not many in all honesty, would be quite an accomplishment finding that someone who made you feel like that every day. But for Hana, I guess sleeping with someone was just a temporary replacement of those feelings, the next best thing, even if it did just last for a short moment. If I was to take an educated guess based on what I learnt about her on the night, I would say all she wanted was to feel good about herself, anything to take the pain and memory of her ex away, she craved it so much that she may have believed sex would be the only way in attaining that.
Would I have been thinking like this before I was hit by this so called “Tidal Wave?” I don’t think so. Would I have given in to the temptation before the Tidal Wave? HELL NO, I’m way too much of a scaredy cat! Not to mention Islam forbids me to! But something I can safely say is that I genuinely didn’t want to do anything BECAUSE of this Tidal Wave. All I could think about WAS them, they’re example, their lifestyle etc. That thought alone scared the crap out of me. All that was going through my mind was them, I couldn’t help but think of anyone or anything else BUT THEM!
I left her keys on her dressing table and calmly exited the flat whilst appreciating the décor and the interior design; she truly was a successful rich girl accountant. I returned to my car and as I drove out of North West London and hit the M1, I reflected on all the events that happened on the night. I felt like a different man. I learnt that sometimes running away from change can do more harm than good. It can come in any shape or form and at the most unexpected of times. It just comes down to whether you’re brave enough to face it head on and see what it will bring. I stayed to face the music. I didn’t block the thought out, I embraced it. I didn’t run away, I challenged it. Everyone will have come face to face with this tidal wave at some point in their life, in my case it was in the form of a certain somebody who I have an unparalleled amount of respect for, something which accumulated in a short space of time.
I’ve still got a lot left to figure out, why did it even occur In the first place? Could it have been helped? What was I really feeling? Why now? What do I do about it? Is this the start of a long and laborious process of infatuation? I don’t know, I really don’t know! I guess what I’m trying to get @ here is that at times you shouldn’t be afraid to accept and embrace the very thing you might run from. Don’t pass it off so quickly, take your time to find out what’s going on. Let it approach you, don’t rush to it. And don’t be afraid to accept the fact that it may even be responsible for the very reason you make certain decisions, or maybe even define you. People; guys especially, have a really difficult time in accepting that someone may have had an effect on them. They fail to realise how it could change them as a person whilst around friends or family and be completely oblivious to their own behaviour. 8 times out of 10 it’s mainly because of a certain female. Could be a girlfriend, crush, mate, genuine inspiration or even a total stranger.
As it currently is in my case, I think I’ve just discovered a part of me that’s was long lost and hidden deep inside. It’s a side of me I welcome with open arms and look forward to exploring. And what was responsible for this awakening? If you haven’t figured it out already then I haven’t mentioned it enough. It was my Tidal Wave.
So there you have it! Ok, ok, ok, okkkk!! It might not have 100% uncut as I didn’t mention the name of this tidal wave person but it had to be done! So I guess I’m not ALL about religion, history, politics, games and serious stuff huh?! I just like to keep some of my escapades private and to myself as talking about it excessively might seem like bragging @ times, I’m just a solitary guy In some ways.
But I can understand why certain aspects of life might be on the forefront of people’s minds @ times. Girls, Boys, Money, Love etc. It’s all become such a major part of life in today’s world. But for me? There will always be one priority that will always take first place in my heart and mind; ISLAM. That much about me will never change. And even then, I rarely speak or brag about my religion unless I feel I have to do so by either defending the faith or just getting into general discussions with friends.
This whole Tidal Wave of mine? I might update you with another entry sometime in the near future to let you know how it’s progressed. But I’ll only do so IF I have an eventful story to tie it in with like In the entry above! Heh heh….. But I have to admit, it’s funny, hilarious even how much of an effect just one person can have on you….
It’s nearing the time to open my fast now and I’m really tired because it was Laylat al Bara’at last night, aka the Night of Emancipation, a Muslim holiday celebrated in preparation for the start of Ramadan where we traditionally stay up all night praying. Boy is Ramadan going to be hard this year. But anyway, I think I’ll wrap up this overly looooooong blog entry so I can finally go drink some water! (More thirsty than hungry right now!)
So now you have some sort of insight into some of my experiences and why I might be the way I am. I really wish I could say it was everything to know about me but oh ho ho boy are there a lot more entries to be read before you’re anywhere near that level. One thing I can say for sure though is you might have started off reading this blog/journal entry knowing me as Izzy. But now, I think it’s safe to say you all know me as Azizur Jazeem Cassabi Rahman.